That would be me

That would be me

Saturday, September 25, 2010

When is “good” good enough?

Seeing "professional" actors at work always makes Sami second-guess her place in this world.

Today we saw Cider House Rules (Part 2) at Book-It Rep in Seattle. This is a show I was called back for earlier this year (and obviously did not get cast in). I generally avoid watching shows I audition for and don't get because my poor fragile psyche usually can't take it. One of two things usually happens.

  1. The girl who got my part was so outstanding that I bow down to her greatness, acknowledge her superior skill and thank the director for having the good sense to cast this way
  2. The girl who stole my part from me was so atrocious that clearly there was some mix up in the casting procedures; she must have been someone's niece/sister/girlfriend/favorite prostitute and that my not getting the role was due to poor, gin-soaked judgment.
The thieving hussy was wonderful (damn her). I think I could have done a good job with the role - DIFFERENT, of course, which is probably (hopefully) the main factor in how the casting was decided - but good nonetheless.

But is that enough?

This whole move to Seattle, while thrilling and exciting and all, is completely terrifying for me. A MAJOR factor in the decision to move is the fact that time and again, it has been 'hinted' to me that I would have been cast "if only" I didn't live so far away. Once I live IN Seattle, what happens if they had been lying to me all along? What if the reason I did not get cast was NOT because of distance? Maybe they were just being nice. Maybe that is their go-to kiss off phrase. Maybe I stunk up the room.

Today in the program, I saw the picture from a previous production of an actress that lives down in Pierce County. SHE got cast in spite of the distance! Why didn't I?

If I am just not good ENOUGH to risk the distance, what will I do if I am not good enough close by?

I watched these wonderful actors in a tough show just give it all they had. The show was tight, clean and moving. Do I have enough to bring to the table to even be allowed to play the game?

I will use this confidence breaker to work harder, learn more, be better – but if after all this time, THIS is as good as I get . . . will that be good enough?


  1. I say that while the distance may have been a factor you it may not have been for someone else...what if the girl who was cast who is far away was somebody's mom/sister/cousin/best friend/favorite prostitute. Also, maybe you wouldn't have gelled as well with the cast as doubt you'd have been I can think of was when I was asked to audition for a show and didn't get cast. I didn't believe at the time that I wasn't right for the role...cause I was and still am...but with the particular cast that was chosen, I didn't fit AT ALL. So, there are lots of factors. Just move, do you best...they'll cast around you maybe. You can do this.

  2. There could be many reasons why you didn't get a part. Can't win them all. Just keep doing your best and have faith, you'll be where you are when you are supposed to be!

  3. This wasn't meant to be a pity party. I just like to think these things through.
    I KNOW how slippery casting is and how INFREQUENTLY it actually has to do with a level of skill. I am just thinking "out loud."

  4. At least you got a callback. I've been called once to play an ensemble role before I was AEA in 2001. And Jane and Myra are friends of mine.

  5. I am VERY grateful for the callback. Please do NOT mistake what I am saying. Just a pre-move meltdown.

  6. It will be interesting to see what happens. Would you rather they didn't give you an excuse at all and just say "We went in a different direction?" I know that's how I'd like start handing out excuses for why you didn't cast somebody - or hire somebody, or whatever - and it just causes distress...