$2800 spent, 8 shows, 6 solos, 2 duets, 49 seats, 273 audience members (in 2 cities) and what ended up being one shockingly successful production of "The Last 5 Years."
Well, CRAP, now what?
The bad thing about accomplishing a goal is that once one has done so . . . there is really nowhere to go from there.
I mean, how do you top a show that was described by audience members as "amazing" or "spectacular?" When friends and strangers alike approach you in tears after your performance. When good friends (who came to support you) seemed genuinely shocked that you "pulled it off." How do you come back from that?
But mainly, how do come back when (in spite of the external praise) you are not 100% sure you made it all the way to your destination?
As I have said before, the main purpose behind producing "The Last 5 Years" was to try to overcome my fear of singing in a musical. Our director and musical director were amazing about guiding me through the scary bits and helping me refocus. The Bruce was incredibly gentle and supportive during my many meltdowns and pleas for an understudy. The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive.
Then why can't I be happy about what happened?
Maybe I expected too much.
Let's focus what did happen: I did a lead in a TOUGH musical without vomiting once (unless you count the almost vomit session on Preview) and we got good (if not GREAT) audiences without any press.
What more do I want?
Maybe it is still just too soon to try to analyze it. Maybe I am completely insane. Maybe I just should NOT do musicals because I will never be happy with it.
I got through it and if nothing else, I do have THAT sense of accomplishment. Everything else will just have to be a bonus. Not an expectation.