That would be me

That would be me

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

What to expect when you’re (not) expecting

I have had an amazingly awesome/stressful/horrible/wonderful week.

I knew going into this week, I would most likely be stressed out. I have a LOT going on this week and while I thrive in chaos, I also crumble a bit under the stress of it all. I have no one to blame for these things but myself. I hold myself to ridiculously high standards and have mini-implosions when I can't live up to them. But even with those expectations of myself, even though I throw myself out to the Universe on an almost daily basis – I never really expect the Universe to catch or even TRY to catch.

This week (so far – it is only Tuesday) has involved an AWFUL lot of Universal catch and release. I had the Big Commercial Audition but didn't get a callback. Had a fabulous audition Sunday night but am UNAVAILABLE for callbacks (which is usually casting DEATH). Started to actually feel GOOD about my performance in the show only to destroy that confidence by watching a tape of rehearsal (note to self: Do Not EVER Do That Again).

Life is a balancing act. There has to be bad in order to the good to appear. If all you ever see is success, how do you truly know it means anything?

I have made a life and career out of taking huge risks and falling on my face. The major difference between me and a lot of people is that all that falling just callouses me up so that the next trip doesn't hurt quite so bad.

So, I will continue to go through this week (and the next several hundred) and repeatedly throw myself to the ground in the hopes that one day, when I least expect it, someone or something will catch me right before I land.

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