I have trust issues. The reasons why are numerous and to delve more deeply about them would be to cause issues that no one needs right now so I shall refrain for the time being. An affect of the trust issue is that I tend to be a teeny bit control-freak-esque. Nothing ridiculous or pathological, just enough to be annoying and discussed behind my back at cast parties.
When feeling nervous or out of my element, the trust issues (and accompanying mania) tend to show up with an overnight bag and a toothbrush. So, of course, now with the whole musical thing happening (I might have mentioned this previously), my freak (let's call her Linda) has parked herself on my sofa and is eating all of my Frosted Mini-Wheats.
Cue the director - who has decided that he will single-handedly attempt what no person has been able to do before! Get Sami out of her head during a musical number. Tonight, we tackled what is probably my most difficult number (vocally speaking - it sits right around my 'break' and has to bounce back and forth from head to belt and back again). Linda, of course, was sitting in the audience spewing her typical venom and throwing things at the stage. What transpired was akin to a scene right out of the film "Star!" In that film (for those of you unaware), Julie Andrews plays legendary actress Gertrude Lawrence. There is a scene in the film where Lawrence has to sing a high note and she is STRESSED OUT about it (sound familiar?) so the director decides the best course of action is to fill the stage with so much business that Lawrence is too busy to worry about the note. We are talking a TRAPEZE.
Well, now my "scary" song has turned into one of the big comedic numbers in the show and I barely have time to breathe - much less worry and stress about a stupid high E. I must have been looking at him funny because he kept saying, "trust me."
I wanted to scream, to run, to question his sanity, to slide under the piano bench with my fingers in my ears humming to myself until he finally left me alone. But I didn't. I smiled meekly, nodded my head and tried to remember to breathe. And when it was all over - THREE attempts later - I received the first round of applause given during this show's process. And I didn't die.
So I will continue to trust, but if I see anyone installing a trapeze I am outta there.