That would be me

That would be me

Friday, August 27, 2010

A confession of sorts

Two of my former classmates from college had "big" things happen to them this and they were both mentioned in the trades. I love reading the trades (Variety, Backstage, etc) in the HOPES that I will see a familiar name or face. I usually love seeing that my friends and acquaintances are making things happen for themselves. This time was a little different and I am not sure why.

This time, I am jealous.

Not "grr, how dare you be happy and I am stuck in a miserable experience" jealous. It is just your run of the mill "man, have I made the right choices??" jealousy.

I do not begrudge them. I know that both of them made sacrifices to get where they are. Sacrifices that I was unwilling or unable to make myself. And I am absolutely THRILLED for them. I just can't help feeling a little sad that I am not where they are.

That said, Launch has been going shockingly well in recent months and I should be very proud to have gotten as far as I have since it started.

PLUS I have a Big Fat (National) Audition on Monday to keep my mind occupied.

PLUS I have "The Last 5 Years" opening this week which is proving to be one of the best shows (if not THE best) I have ever worked on.

There is just the slightest stinging sensation that this is not Broadway and I may never be interviewed for Diva Talk nor written up for being cast in (yet another) Big Regional Theatre production.

And I have to learn to be okay with that. At least for the time being.

Success is such a relative thing anyway. Had you told my 19 year old self that I would be doing some of the craziness I find myself in now, I would have said that was just wishful thinking. Where I am is a far cry from where I was or where I ever thought I would be.

Back then, I would have probably been jealous of where I am now. And jealousy gets you nowhere.

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