But still a good thing to have done.
Today, after 7 months of separation, I filed for divorce. I had been hoping to wait until the dust had settled and tempers had cooled so that we could move forward in a calm, adult manner. However, after seven months things had not calmed down – in fact, they had heated up. So I decided that I would be the cooler head all by my lonesome and move forward.
I am glad I did it. My stomach was all in knots but in the end, I KNOW it was the right thing to do.
This is not a reason to celebrate. A marriage is ending. A marriage I had had great hopes for. A marriage that brought forth two amazing kiddos who are now on their way to being a statistic. A marriage that I now and will continue to mourn and try to remember fondly (even when the dissolving of said marriage is terribly sour).
I will continue to try to be civil and honest and fair with the proceedings. I will try not to take the lashing out personally. I will try NOT to react when I feel bounds are overstepped and I will try not to overstep them myself just "because he is." I will continue to love the kidlets and let them know that NONE of this was their fault. I will not badmouth Daddy in front of them and I will pray that he offers the same courtesy. I will continue to love him as the father of my children even though I can no longer love him as my husband.
I am lucky that I have stumbled across a great love and I hope that he is lucky enough to do the same. I am sorry we were not able to be exactly what the other needed or wanted us to be.
I hope that he finds everything he wants. I know that I finally have.