Because of The Last 5 Years

We are halfway through the second weekend of “Guys and Dolls.” I am playing Adelaide in this particular production. Adelaide. Adelaide is one of those roles that little girls grow up wanting to play. She is at the top of a lot of actresses “bucket lists” and here I am sporting the platinum locks so often associated with this role.

Adelaide.

I think the most surprising thing about this experience is how not-surprised my friends are in regards to me getting this role. I was floored by it but they all seemed to have more of a “well, of course you did” attitude about it.

What? Are you crazy? Don’t you guys know who I am? Musical theatre and I are not friends. Or are we?

I suspect that musical theatre has snuck itself into my circle of friends. This is the second “dream role” in musical theatre I have been fortunate enough to do (Robert Anne in “Nunsense” came earlier) this year. After years of vomit-inducing singing nerves, I have finally gotten to a point where I can hold my own in a musical theatre audition.

Last Friday, I stood backstage waiting for my first entrance, knees knocking, deep breathing, trying to keep the dinner The Bruce so lovingly made me from making a second appearance wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into and then I suddenly realized in that moment HOW I got there.

Ahhhhh “The Last 5 Years”

Two summers ago (as you may recall) I self-produced the musical with the help of some great friends SOLELY in an attempt to overcome my musical audition jitters. We jokingly referred to it as my “$3000 voice lesson” and it ended up being one of the best shows I have ever done AND it was a musical and people are STILL talking about it and recognizing me in coffee shops and theatre lobbies from it.

“The Last 5 Years” did exactly what it was supposed to do. It helped me overcome the disdain for my singing voice and taught me how to just “act the damn song” without worrying how pretty or proper the notes were or whatever it is I previously thought I was supposed to be doing.

But it also did something else that I did NOT expect. It opened up a world of opportunity in theatre and garnered me a level of respect from my fellow thespians that I did not see coming but for which am eternally grateful.

Today, I discovered that I didn’t get a role in a “straight” show for which I was told I had an outstanding audition. I didn’t fall apart and suddenly start blaming my lack of talent or whatnot for not getting cast as I would so often in the past have done with musical theatre auditions. I realized that just last week when I did not get a role in a musical theatre show, I had the same reaction. “Boy, that sucks. Oh well.” I have stopped self-blaming and have learned how to treat a musical audition as I would any other.

And so I now have the confidence to not only tackle the Adelaides and the Robert Annes because they are finally just fun roles in fun shows – musical or not. They rank up there with the Arties and the Ma Joads and the Aprils. Great roles in great theatre.

The two worlds have finally become one and what a beautiful world it is.

The need for excuses

I have been incommunicado of late and for that I am sorry. This blogging thing is a strange business indeed. One will go for weeks on end writing regularly and feeling good about things and then suddenly… dead air – much like those New Year’s Resolution diets that truck long just fine for a few weeks and hit the skids the moment Valentine’s Day arrives.

Part of the excuse is business. I have recently begun a “day job” that threatens to suck the life out of me one moment and then has me giddily bouncing off the walls the next. That much drama during the sunlight hours makes the “evening drama” a calm respite and therefore not much introspection about it is wanted or needed.

Part of the excuse is not wanting to dive into negativity. A few recent altercations with other theatrical types has left something of a bad taste in my mouth and I do NOT want this blog to be a receptacle for that. Blogging can easily dive towards bitching and moaning and I am working hard to avoid that.

Part of the excuse is my new-found knitting addiction. When free hours are limited, a choice has to be made and the activity that has a tangible “product” makes me feel less that I am goofing off and more like I am “doing something.” Knitting requires no real intellectual effort on my part and so on a day when I am feeling particularly spent, the mindless meanderings of my fingers win out over creating reading-worthy prose.

At the end of the day though all these excuses are is a way to justify the fact that I “just didn’t feel like it” at the time. There isn’t anything wrong with that.

Now, I "feel like it again" so watch out. Here they come!