tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41022819202282801612024-02-07T06:14:57.189-08:00Mommy, the ActressRantings and Ruminations of a "Stage Mom"Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03723851593570176968noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-40015835085433792652012-04-21T11:53:00.000-07:002012-04-21T12:03:21.785-07:00Because of The Last 5 YearsWe are halfway through the second weekend of “Guys and Dolls.” I am playing Adelaide in this particular production. Adelaide. Adelaide is one of those roles that little girls grow up wanting to play. She is at the top of a lot of actresses “bucket lists” and here I am sporting the platinum locks so often associated with this role.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmZhjs_jvutmZOCWOtaowDuua4OQey-IS1W7JCatDz4hExfOmANtUIW1O2TYKSfPKrtrVqUhrgbYymrfi6SIje_msC-reqUc1MJfk_wHTBblUBdwtp1CT_YnOY2a4MudDel5ZYJzBLSw/s1600/549313_3743713437466_1415134566_33426256_850514587_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmZhjs_jvutmZOCWOtaowDuua4OQey-IS1W7JCatDz4hExfOmANtUIW1O2TYKSfPKrtrVqUhrgbYymrfi6SIje_msC-reqUc1MJfk_wHTBblUBdwtp1CT_YnOY2a4MudDel5ZYJzBLSw/s200/549313_3743713437466_1415134566_33426256_850514587_n.jpg" width="142" /></a></div>
<br />
Adelaide.<br />
<br />
I think the most surprising thing about this experience is how not-surprised my friends are in regards to me getting this role. I was floored by it but they all seemed to have more of a “well, of course you did” attitude about it.<br />
<br />
What? Are you crazy? Don’t you guys know who I am? Musical theatre and I are not friends. Or are we?<br />
<br />
I suspect that musical theatre has snuck itself into my circle of friends. This is the second “dream role” in musical theatre I have been fortunate enough to do (Robert Anne in “Nunsense” came earlier) this year. After years of vomit-inducing singing nerves, I have finally gotten to a point where I can hold my own in a musical theatre audition.<br />
<br />
Last Friday, I stood backstage waiting for my first entrance, knees knocking, deep breathing, trying to keep the dinner The Bruce so lovingly made me from making a second appearance wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into and then I suddenly realized in that moment HOW I got there.<br />
<br />
Ahhhhh “The Last 5 Years” <br />
<br />
Two summers ago (as you may recall) I self-produced the musical with the help of some great friends SOLELY in an attempt to overcome my musical audition jitters. We jokingly referred to it as my “$3000 voice lesson” and it ended up being one of the best shows I have ever done AND it was a musical and people are STILL talking about it and recognizing me in coffee shops and theatre lobbies from it.<br />
<br />
“The Last 5 Years” did exactly what it was supposed to do. It helped me overcome the disdain for my singing voice and taught me how to just “act the damn song” without worrying how pretty or proper the notes were or whatever it is I previously thought I was supposed to be doing.<br />
<br />
But it also did something else that I did NOT expect. It opened up a world of opportunity in theatre and garnered me a level of respect from my fellow thespians that I did not see coming but for which am eternally grateful.<br />
<br />
Today, I discovered that I didn’t get a role in a “straight” show for which I was told I had an outstanding audition. I didn’t fall apart and suddenly start blaming my lack of talent or whatnot for not getting cast as I would so often in the past have done with musical theatre auditions. I realized that just last week when I did not get a role in a musical theatre show, I had the same reaction. “Boy, that sucks. Oh well.” I have stopped self-blaming and have learned how to treat a musical audition as I would any other.<br />
<br />
And so I now have the confidence to not only tackle the Adelaides and the Robert Annes because they are finally just fun roles in fun shows – musical or not. They rank up there with the Arties and the Ma Joads and the Aprils. Great roles in great theatre.<br />
<br />
The two worlds have finally become one and what a beautiful world it is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-69176742376447874132012-04-08T17:38:00.001-07:002012-04-08T17:38:39.554-07:00The need for excuses<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been incommunicado of late and for that I am sorry.
This blogging thing is a strange business indeed. One will go for weeks on end
writing regularly and feeling good about things and then suddenly… dead air –
much like those New Year’s Resolution diets that truck long just fine for a few
weeks and hit the skids the moment Valentine’s Day arrives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part of the excuse is business. I have recently begun a “day
job” that threatens to suck the life out of me one moment and then has me
giddily bouncing off the walls the next. That much drama during the sunlight
hours makes the “evening drama” a calm respite and therefore not much
introspection about it is wanted or needed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part of the excuse is not wanting to dive into negativity. A
few recent altercations with other theatrical types has left something of a bad
taste in my mouth and I do NOT want this blog to be a receptacle for that.
Blogging can easily dive towards bitching and moaning and I am working hard to
avoid that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part of the excuse is my new-found knitting addiction. When
free hours are limited, a choice has to be made and the activity that has a tangible
“product” makes me feel less that I am goofing off and more like I am “doing
something.” Knitting requires no real intellectual effort on my part and so on
a day when I am feeling particularly spent, the mindless meanderings of my
fingers win out over creating reading-worthy prose.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the end of the day though all these excuses are is a way
to justify the fact that I “just didn’t feel like it” at the time. There isn’t anything
wrong with that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, I "feel like it again" so watch out. Here they come! </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-2710079253500983042011-10-11T16:07:00.000-07:002011-10-11T16:08:17.525-07:00Reflections on the nature of feedback<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feedback is by definition “information about reactions to a
product, a person’s performance of a task, etc. used as a basis for
improvement.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feedback is what we use to
get better at just about anything. When we were learning to walk we got our
feedback from sore bottoms as we toppled to the ground. As teenagers we got our
feedback from the approval (or disapproval) of our friends and classmates. In
relationships feedback takes the form of returned affections or smacked faces.
Once in the workforce we got our feedback from bosses and co-workers in the
form of quarterly reviews, raises or office gossip.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feedback is how we learn. How we grow. Life, without some
form of feedback, becomes stagnant.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have always sought out feedback regarding my acting work.
Whether I was taking a class or practicing a monologue in front of peers or
requesting feedback from directors, I have always felt that any form of
feedback allowed me to take that information and use it to fix any issues with
my performances or store it away for future use.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently (as is my practice), I asked a local director for
feedback on my audition. I usually wait until AFTER casting decisions have been
made so they do not feel that I am in any way trying to press for an answer.
Keep in mind that I ask for feedback whether or not I have been cast (although
if cast, I wait until a few weeks into the process or after opening to get that
feedback). I know when asking for feedback that I won’t always like what I hear
– I have been told I am too vulnerable in one audition only to be told weeks
later that I wasn’t vulnerable enough in another or I get very specific
feedback on monologue or song choices that may not be what I want to hear. I
take these all in stride though because I know full well that my auditions
aren’t perfect (which is why I ask for the feedback in the first place).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I expected a harsh assessment of my audition (it was a
singing audition after all and I admit to not being the strongest singer on the
planet) but what I received felt just short of a character assassination. This
director seems to dislike everything about me. My personality, my decision to
be friendly and personable at auditions (as opposed to business-like), my use
of recommended marketing strategies (as advised by a NYC casting director), my
Facebook activities and even my admittance to fears and nervousness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I thought would be a blunt criticism of my skills
turned out to be a harsh and somewhat mean-spirited criticism of ME.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I felt as though I had been punched in the gut. Asking for
feedback is a scary proposition. Most actors I know just plain don’t want to
know. They want to go under the assumption that the director is an idiot and
move on to the next thing. THIS is what most actors FEAR they will receive.
THIS is the boogeyman.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I came face to face with it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What was most sad about it was that in the middle of all of
the vitriol was a rather positive critique of my audition itself. That almost
got lost in the maze of ugliness. Fortunately, the writer was kind enough to
bold that particular section so it popped out a bit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After catching my breath again (and showing it to a few
trusted friends – just to make sure I wasn’t blowing it out of proportion), I
sat down and dissected it. I was advised to throw it in the trash. I was told
to ignore it all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it was feedback, wasn’t it? Isn’t that what I asked for? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I gathered a few things from it that I felt I could use and
apply to my life and auditions, threw out a bunch of stuff that didn’t make
sense for who I am as a person and then chose to focus on the good aspects of
it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then I deleted it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My friends asked me if I planned on never auditioning for
this director again. They all assumed I would be scared or intimidated or feel
that auditioning for this person would be a waste of time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Are you kidding me,” I responded. “It takes more than that
to scare me away.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Realizing that I could know someone feels that way about me
and yet not back down proves just how far I have come and how much more
comfortable I have become in my own skin and THAT is the best feedback of all.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-30673038206129563572011-10-10T22:15:00.000-07:002011-10-10T22:15:58.315-07:00No such thing as a “sure thing”<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> <w:UseFELayout/> </w:Compatibility> <w:DoNotOptimizeForBrowser/> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267"> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
</style> <![endif]--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">I get a lot of flack for psyching myself out before auditions by telling myself I have “no shot in hell” at a particular role/show/film. Friends and acquaintances feel that this is bad self-esteem or false modesty on my part but truly it is a self-defense mechanism. This allows me to go into auditions without any real expectation of actually getting cast so I might as well have fun. When I have fun – it usually works out in my favor. The lack of nerves allows me to relax and permits me to take chances and make choices I might not have otherwise.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sometimes though there is a show/role/film that I want REALLY BAD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes there are shows/roles/films that I make myself crazy thinking about/scheduling around/prepping for because I want them. Sometimes it is because I just really like the show or the director but on a rare occasion it is because I feel I am absolutely right for it. I think so and all of my friends thinks so.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Never in my life have I encountered this as much as I have in recent weeks. A show came up that I wanted badly (mostly because of my profound respect and admiration for the director) and everywhere I went I heard how excited people were to see me in that role -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as if it was already mine. One friend even mentioned that a lot of actresses she knew weren’t even auditioning because they all assumed that role was mine. I will admit – that was an amazing boost to my ego. I mean, who doesn’t want to hear that?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I prepped that role as if it was already mine. I researched it and worried over it and learned it and internalized it and I was just shy of performance ready.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am perfect for that role. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I don’t say it often but this time I knew I was perfect for that role. I knew it in my gut. My friends knew it. People I don’t even KNOW knew it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think even somewhere down deep the director knew it. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Yet, I didn’t get that role.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Casting is such a slippery thing. I have been to many auditions where I was by far the strongest one there and don’t even get a callback and the opposite has also been true where I was sucking the air out of the room and yet somehow managed to land the role. Who knows why that is. Having directed shows myself, I have made casting decisions that have confused even me only I somehow knew that it was the right choice.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I feel that I gave a very strong audition. It is one of the few auditions where I left it feeling confident and sure that I did the best job I possibly could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of the day, it wasn’t what the director needed or wanted. I am disappointed but I can’t be angry. It is no one’s fault. Really. Maybe I was too tall/short/redheaded/strong/weak/heavy/thin for the dynamics of the casting pool. Maybe it just wasn’t my time. What I do know is I WILL play that role someday. I just know it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">That much IS a sure thing.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-48610139481001481372011-02-19T18:34:00.000-08:002011-02-19T18:34:05.377-08:00A Perfectly Pink Day<div class="MsoNormal">Or how a song and some yarn helped make a “meh” day better.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I have been feeling “off.” I can’t think of a better way to describe it. Things have been going great (maybe a little TOO well – the cynic in me is getting suspicious) and yet I just can’t seem to get “happy.” Maybe it is the weather, maybe it is stress, who knows. All I know is that for the last few weeks, I just have not felt “normal.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This morning I awoke cranky and achy. I just was not “feeling it.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The goodness started almost immediately. The Bruce woke in a cutesy, lovey dovey mood and showered my sour puss with kisses and giggles. Then we hear Lorelai flitting about the living room. Lorelai had woken up in a deliciously good mood and ran to us excitedly for early morning snuggles.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I wake up dry,” she hollers proudly. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Breakfast was accompanied by a side of songs and “I love you, Mommy.” The kids were singing the song I had spent all week working on and, let me tell you, there are very few things cuter than a 2 year old singing “I am gorgeous.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked across the table at The Bruce and the kidlets and my heart just about burst. Here were three amazing people looking at me with such love and admiration. How did I get so lucky?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Later I had a planned excursion to the local yarn purveyor to pick up some wool for a skirt that I have been DYING to attempt. Lorelai wanted to come with me and have a “mommy/Lorelai day” so the two of us walked hand in hand the 4 blocks to the yarn store. The entire walk she chatted and sang and giggled and plotted.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Once at the store she excited walked beside me as I sifted through the yarn saying that she was looking for the “perfect pink” yarn so that she could “make something.” She talked to the store employees and regulars excitedly about what she was going to make and showed off her new belt and asked them questions about what they were doing. They were all obviously smitten. Suddenly, she squealed excitedly and ran down the aisle. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“There it is! Momma, there it is!!! The Perfect Pink.” </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">She bounced up and down and pointed at a small skein of raspberry yarn which was both inexpensive and the perfect weight for my looms. Of course, I had to get it for her.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The walk home was filled with chatter about all of the many things she was going to make with her Perfect Pink yarn. I know that more likely than not the yarn will be turned into a hat and scarf for her but it was so cute seeing how excited she was about making things for her friends and family. Suddenly she stopped and turned to me.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Momma,” she said, suddenly looking very serious. “I need to tell you something.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Okay, what’s that?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“I just love you.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I just love you too, Lorelai. I just love you too.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-7386372008372894742011-02-16T23:21:00.001-08:002011-02-16T23:21:56.622-08:00Making a claimI am trying to publicize my blog. In order to do that, I have to write this - <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: monospace; white-space: pre-wrap;">4YZQH5KWA9C4 - so that some remote computer can read it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: monospace; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: monospace; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let's see what happens, shall we?</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-254432461709697512011-02-16T01:11:00.000-08:002011-02-16T01:11:13.225-08:00A Sense of Accomplishment<div class="MsoNormal">Or How Sami Conquered a Second and a Half and Lived to Tell The Tale.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">First off, I have been a post slacker. I will apologize for it in detail soon but first I had to tell you about my week.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I have decided (in a continuation of my “I am now a quote unquote adult so I need to stop being scared of everything” trend of recent months) that February is Fall Flat on My Face Month. This means that everything I am doing I plan to do with full abandon knowing that the potential for utter failure is a real threat ESPECIALLY since February round these parts is “audition season.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The major “fall on my face moment” I wanted to accomplish was regarding singing auditions. Now, those of you who have paid attention know that singing and Sami are NOT friends. Sami is a complete singing coward. I have gotten significantly better in recent months (thanks in no small part to the support of The Bruce and the whole Last 5 Years business) but I was still playing it really safe in auditions singing only low to mid alto numbers that could be “acted” over being “sung.” </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am sick of making excuses. Sick of being scared. Sick of playing it safe.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Time to Fall on My Face.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I was looking through some music books looking for potential audition songs and I came across the song “Gorgeous” from the show The Apple Tree. I instantly fell in love with both the song and the show (and Barbara Harris who sang it on the YouTube video I had found). Now, in the sheet music, the song’s highest note was a D4 (the D in the middle of the music staff – highish “belt” territory) nothing ridiculous and well within my range. However, even this relatively easy note was one I would not even ATTEMPT in an audition usually. (Like I have said – Sami = Chicken). WELL, in the Broadway versions of the song that same D was sung a full octave HIGHER than was written in my music. Holy crap. This is entering glass shattering, Phantom of the Opera territory. Normally, I would run screaming away, but like I said . . . Fall Flat on My Face Month . . . which means only ONE thing . . . .</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sami is going to attempt THAT note.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">(Have I mentioned that I am a mezzo-soprano? As in MIDDLE soprano? As in Holy Heck that note is way out of my range??? No? Well, I am.)</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal">Well, the TPS Generals are coming up soon and I had already scheduled an audition for Into The Woods so I decided that I was going to prep THAT note for those auditions. You know, two of the BIGGEST auditions of the month because THAT makes sense. First thing I had to do was hit the damned thing. That’s right, I wasn’t even sure I could hit it at all.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Last week, I was trying to get the kidlets to brush their teeth so we started singing in silly opera voices “brushing the teeth . . . gotta brush the teeth . . . get the ones in . . . back.” You get the idea. Well, during the course of this opera silliness, I hit a note that sounded vaguely like THAT note. “Could that be right?” I thought. I went and listened to the song again. Holy crap. That WAS it. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Knowing that That Note was in there . . . somewhere . . . was a positive sign. I asked my beautiful bestie if she would help me by playing the song for me before auditions to help me practice and decided if I could hit it 10 times during the various rehearsals that I would ‘whip it out’ for the auditions. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Rehearsal time – set. Auditions – set. Go.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">BUT WAIT!!!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Then there’s Sweeney Todd.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Bruce and I had decided WEEKS ago that we were NOT going to audition for Sweeney because Lakewood is pretty far away. More than an hour in each direction and since my pitiful self does not drive . . . well, you can imagine the HASSLE. Cue the day of auditions and all of the Friends of Sami were Facebooking about THEIR auditions and how well they went and if they got a callback or not and Sami CAVED.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Please?!?!?!?!?!”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Then The Bruce caved. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So Sami shot off a quick email and scheduled an audition (as did The Bruce) for a few days later. What to sing? What to sing?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Why, THAT note, of course.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Bruce made me an mp3 of the accompaniment and I set to work. Shockingly, not only was the voice behaving, it was acting as if hitting That Note was something we did all the time. I was able to hit it before even warming up as if That Note had just been sitting there all along and was just waiting for me to pick it up. I made a HUGE announcement on Facebook that I was going to sing it so I had external accountability (because I have NO problem letting myself down – letting my friends down is a different story entirely).</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The day of auditions nerves began to settle in. I kept running outside to attempt to hit it just once more to make sure I had it.” All told, I must have sung the song in the parking lot of Lakewood Playhouse about 15 times. 15 times! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I went into the audition and put on my best Confident face. After explaining the pace of the song to the accompanist, I began. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And I nailed That Note!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My hands were shaking. The director (knowing me from a previous show) was puzzled at what had just happened.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Aren’t you a mezzo?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Yes, sir.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“That was decidedly NOT mezzo.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“Yes, sir.”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And then I left the room. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I was gathering my belongings when the stage manager came out to inform me I had gotten a callback. How about THAT??</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Later in the car with a friend, the realization of what just happened hit me. 30 years. 30 YEARS of being afraid of something that took about 1.5 seconds. 30 years of terror for THAT? I burst out giggling and then crying. She must have thought I had completely lost my mind.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">30 years of fear and I had conquered it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And I get to do it two more times. Bring It, Note, You don’t scare me.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Not anymore.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-23873316409473462982010-12-21T23:24:00.000-08:002010-12-21T23:24:09.863-08:00In hiding<div class="MsoNormal">Or how Sami is tucking her tail between her legs and running for the hills.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Okay, so I admit it. About certain things, I am completely non-confrontational – even cowardly, you might say. When it comes to defending the “little guy,” I will get up on a desk and yell and scream my head off. If it is about ME and/or something I am involved in – Big Fat Scaredy Cat.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A few months ago, I walked away from something I cared about because of a battle with myself and other forces. I didn’t really “want” to but I did. In the wake of my leaving, there was paperwork and financial things that needed to be taken care of. Money needed to change hands. Financial ties permanently severed.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">MONTHS ago.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I still have not done so. At first, I just couldn’t seem to bring myself to do it. Like putting the finishing touches on the “break-up” would make it more real than I could bear it to be. Now, though, it has been so long that not having taken care of this has put me in an embarrassing situation. It NEEDS to be done. It is imperative. I have to face the music. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And it is humiliating.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I keep scheduling “times to meet” to hand the items over but my brain seems to conveniently block those out and then next thing I know it is the next day and I am faced with an angry email admonishing me for doing forgetting it . . . again.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I feel like an ass.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am not TRYING to be irresponsible or insensitive and it isn’t like I NEED those things to be STILL sitting in a bag in the corner of my office. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am just . . . scared/nervous/embarrassed and have so much stress that I am under right now that I can’t seem to face it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So, and you know who you are, I am REALLY sorry. I will take care of this tomorrow. Somehow.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I hope.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-9236243743801158712010-12-01T12:03:00.000-08:002010-12-01T12:03:21.643-08:00How Do You Want To Be Remembered?<div class="MsoNormal">Or How Sami Faced Her Mortality and Lost.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Marcus has cancer.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The news (given by The Bruce by way of a friend) hit me hard in the chest. I had difficulty catching my breath and it took more than a few moments before I could gather up the air to ask “what, where, how bad?” </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There are certain people that you don’t deal with on a daily basis that are always floating somewhere in the back of your consciousness. You may not speak to them constantly but they are always easily accessible in your thoughts. For me in recent years, Marcus Walker has been one of those people. This has been especially true the past year.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Marcus has always reminded me of my pseudo-dad in a variety of ways: his dedication to theatre, his knowledge and passion and even his penchant for bad puns and stressing out of the small details. I liked him the first time I met him for those reasons (even though in typical Sami fashion I was completely intimidated by him).</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This past year, Marcus cast me as Ma Joad in The Grapes of Wrath. He did so knowing that I did not “fit” into the image that most people have about Ma Joad. I will never forget him for that. There is no way to thank him enough for the domino effect that one little expression of confidence created. That role opened up a whole new world for me. It showed the world (and me) that I was capable of more than just being the “cute” one or a chorus girl. I have gained an entire level of confidence in my abilities that I would never have thought possible because he saw something in me - saw a depth and technical skill of which I had previously been unaware.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And now he is ill.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There is something indescribable about seeing one of your gods stricken. It is akin to that feeling when you were a kid and you discover your parents were human and imperfect. An innocence dies.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A few days ago, there was a fundraiser for Lakewood Playhouse/Roast of Marcus. Seeing him look frail and thin on the stage took my breath away with the same ferocity that the news of his illness caused. The Bruce, sensing this, reached out and grabbed my hand as if to steady me but I was seated. The moment was fleeting though because the light and joy that radiated from Marcus eased my initial reaction quickly.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">One by one, people spoke about Marcus’s work and about how he touched their lives with his passion and generosity and talent. Marcus sat and looked pleased and embarrassed at the same time, like a person who overhears a compliment that was not intended for their ears. The evening was filled with tears of sadness mixed with roars of laughter.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">On the ride home, all I could think about was what my legacy would be. I believe each person wants to somehow impact their world but when you are an actor, you have to wonder just how important or profound that impact would be. Being talented and hardworking is all well and good but in the grand scheme of the world, how truly important is how well we say a certain line or wear a costume? </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Not too much, I am afraid. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Most actors are blissfully unaware of those who came before us (unless there happens to be a Broadway Theatre named after them). Unless there is a film of a performance, all that work disappears into the memories of whatever audience witnessed it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In order to truly have a lasting impact, we have to accomplish things that are greater than just acting or directing. We have to touch people. We have to make a difference. We have to aspire to grander goals than just standing ovations and bio fillers.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And in that respect, I currently find myself to be lacking.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I need to do something about that and quick. I want to be remembered. I want to make a difference in people’s lives. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it sounds weird and selfish and morbid, I want the news of my humanness to take someone’s breath away.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I want to be like Marcus. Is that too much to ask?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-84368680603256447652010-11-23T21:03:00.000-08:002010-11-23T21:03:04.546-08:00Are We Sensing a Pattern Here??<div class="MsoNormal">Or Fitting a Square Peg into a Round Hole.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So, October 2009 I officially embarked on a professional acting career (or at least the beginnings of one).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>This week I received word that I had been cast in my first show at Seattle Musical Theatre (after a whopping WEEK without a show – the shakes were starting to set in). I thought back on the past year plus and I noticed something. Play along for a second, will you?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Shows SINCE Launch</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A Streetcar Named Desire – play</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Salvation of Iggy Scrooge – musical</div><div class="MsoNormal">A Taste of Honey – play (with music – I sang one song)</div><div class="MsoNormal">HMS Pinafore – musical</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Grapes of Wrath – play (with music – although I did next to no singing)</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Last 5 Years – musical</div><div class="MsoNormal">Eleemosynary – play</div><div class="MsoNormal">And now</div><div class="MsoNormal">Don Giovanni – musical</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Do you see it?? Weird, right???</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am first and foremost an actress so the realization that MORE THAN HALF of the shows I have done in the last year have required me to sing came as something of a shock. Even though I have worked very hard to overcome the fear of the whole mess, knowing that I get cast in musicals as often as I do was surprising. I have spent a lot of time lately evaluating my career path and somehow this little fact had escaped me.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am getting better – less neurotic (honestly, this is NOTHING compared to how I used to be), auditioning for “bigger” projects, trying harder material – so in time these little patterns won’t be blog/alarm fodder but in the meantime I appreciate your support as I try to wrap my head around this all.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Now, of course, that I have noticed the pattern, the ridiculous OCD part of me is probably going to try to maintain it – or analyze it to death. I do think though, that having noticed this pattern, I need to acknowledge my place in the world of singers and not hide behind what I think myself to be or not be.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I often wonder when this “refusal” to see myself as a singer started. Was it when I tore a vocal cord? Was it is the voice teacher in college who claimed to hate the sound of my voice? Was it years of following AMAZING singers at auditions? Was it 20 years of singing lessons? Was it getting “old?”</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am not sure. All I know is that somewhere along the way, I lost it. I lost my confidence, my vocal mojo. Damn it, I want it back. I am sick of being crazy and neurotic about it. I am sick of caring quite so much what other people think of my voice. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My voice is what it is. It isn’t perfect or “pretty” or powerful. It is most often described as . . . interesting. You know what? Carol Channing had an interesting voice. Ethel Merman. Bernadette Peters. All have interesting voices. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">MILLIONS of people have pretty voices. What are they doing? Singing in churches? Leading roles in community theatre shows?</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I think I don’t want pretty. I think I find being interesting more . . . interesting.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Sometimes “interesting” will get you farther than pretty. I am just going to run with THAT one.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-67585079771648448972010-11-21T01:44:00.001-08:002010-11-21T01:44:45.292-08:00Sami's Cure for the Audition Jitters<div class="MsoNormal">Sami doesn’t care what anyone else says; psyching herself out COMPLETELY helps the nerves.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There is something incredibly freeing about “not standing a chance” at a show so you might as well just have fun.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I just left a musical theatre callback. Yay! Singing and dancing auditions – my FAVORITE! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Are you picking up on the sarcasm? Good.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Bruce and I were both called back for a brand new musical being presented by one of the musical theatres in Seattle. The Bruce was called back for one of the leads (of course) and I was just called back for Ensemble (oh thank GOD). We go in and look around and one fact strikes me immediately. Everyone else there is about 25 and younger. And then there’s me and The Bruce.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Awww. We’re the token ‘old people.’ When did THAT happen?? </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The second thing I noticed is how TERRIFIED most of them looked. This meant so much to them and the amount of angst in the room was palpable. I had decided before even getting there that odds were against my getting cast. I am not a dancer (I have dancing ISSUES – long story there) and my fear of solo singing is well documented and I still have The Plague, so why make myself all crazy with worry. I just wanted to go in and have a good time and limber up the muscles some and watch my man be brilliant.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Seeing how scared all the little girls were, I decided to say “Screw It. Let’s have some fun.” I had nothing to lose. I adopted my best “Shelia” (from Chorus Line) stance and proceeded to ‘attitude’ my way through the callback.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I didn’t worry about each and every step – I just did the dance. </div><div class="MsoNormal">I didn’t fret about every note – I just sang the damned song.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And when I was done, I left. Confidently. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And you know what? Two things happened.</div><ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">I did not spend the next 15 hours obsessing about how I did. I asked The Bruce if he heard me and was I in key. He assured me “yes” to both.</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;">I got cast. With a named character. A MINOR one but a named character nonetheless.</li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal">How about that? Not too shabby for a show I had “no shot in hell” at.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-82982024104709267392010-11-19T16:26:00.001-08:002010-11-19T16:26:37.128-08:00Performing with the Plague<span xmlns=''><p>Or The Show SOMETIMES Must Go On<br /></p><p>There is something NASTY going around. Everyone I know has been sick at some point in the last few months. I have now had the Plague to some degree or another for almost a month now. Mostly it has been an upper respiratory/ear clogging thing but that doesn't make it any less intrusive. Auditioning and performing while sick is not the best of circumstances.<br /></p><p>Plagues and Launch do NOT mix.<br /></p><p>It is one of those things though. You have to plug through anyway. If I lived in a larger market, I could just hang back a week or so until the illness went away because another audition is frequently around the corner. In Seattle, though, the auditions are not as frequent so missing one or two here can lead to a pretty sizeable break in work. PLUS hardly ANYONE does understudies anymore so if you are sick – you just have to suck it up.<br /></p><p>So what is a girl to do?<br /></p><p>She auditions and performs anyway.<br /></p><p>Just this past weekend, I had 4 performances of Eleemosynary (a 1.5 hour one act during which I never left the stage) and an audition for a musical all of which I had to accomplish with a stuffed up face, clogged ears and a sore throat. The clogged up ears made the show particularly difficult as I had to climb a ladder and say lines while wearing a hat. I could not hear a word that was being said and the clogged ears plus the height of the ladder were giving me a minor case of vertigo. I just clutched on for dear life and prayed I didn't sneeze because that surely would have sent me flying off the set and into the audience.<br /></p><p>The audition went shockingly well considering I had NO idea how loud I was singing or even if I was in KEY! I am assuming I was fine since I got a callback but it could have been a pity callback since they could tell just by looking at me that something was not quite right.<br /></p><p>There is an advantage to performing when you are not 100% yourself. For starters, being sick (or tired or in pain or whatnot) FORCES you to up your concentration level. You can't just get by on your basic talent when it takes a phenomenal amount of energy just to stay upright. Being "off" requires that you have to work that much harder to keep your head in the game. People pay just as much for tickets on days you are sick so you can't just throw that performance away. <br /></p><p>Same goes for the auditions. If you suck the life out of a room during an audition just because you don't feel well, what makes you think that a director is going to trust you to be able to keep it together in front of an audience if you happen to come down with The Plague?<br /></p><p>And so, I power through. My head is killing me. My ears are STILL clogged and painful. The throat is still on fire. Yet, I continue plugging away.<br /></p><p>Because tomorrow I have to sing at a callback SICK for the same show I auditioned for sick LAST weekend. At least they will know I am consistent.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-83435468381194231572010-11-16T21:57:00.001-08:002010-11-16T22:00:38.639-08:00The Show Mustn’t ALWAYS Go On<span xmlns=""></span><br />
<span xmlns="">Or sometimes there are more important things to do.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">This week a dear friend of mine had a MAJOR family crisis. Not your run of the mill family crises but the kind that would flatten the toughest of individuals. It floored my friend SO much that she had to get a ride home from work because the shock of the event was so great that she couldn't even drive. Due to circumstances, she had to go "home" to be with her family – several hundred miles away. She had to drive there.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">And she had to go alone.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">Her husband stayed home because he had a show.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">You see, my dear friend's spouse (who is equally near and dear to my heart) is a "theatre person." Theatre is his life, his calling, his joy. I have said on more than one occasion that he has (to quote one Mr. R. Lindblom) "forgotten more about theatre than I will ever learn." When I think of a true dedicated theatre professional, HE is the first person that springs to mind. The show ALWAYS comes first. No matter what. Always.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">This is something about him that I love dearly, but it is also the thing that drives me nuts about him.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">And it is one of the things I get accused of as well. And, frankly, THAT scares me.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">We all espouse the old adage about the Show Must Go On but at what point is real life allowed to stop taking a back seat? When is the need at home more important than the need on the stage?<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">In the past, I have let the "important" things take a back seat when maybe they should not have. I have learned from that and have been trying to correct the errors of my ways. I have worked to assess what is more important in picking projects and whatnot. Sometimes a sick baby has to take precedent over other things.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">To me, the needs of my friend during her intense heartbreak are FAR more important than a show. ANY show. At ANY stage of production. Period. This might get me in trouble with the Theatre Gods but there has to be a line. A time when enough is enough.<br />
</span><br />
<span xmlns="">Even GOD takes a day off.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-48485845110457900862010-11-15T21:12:00.001-08:002010-11-15T21:12:12.191-08:00Torn Between Two Maybes<span xmlns=''><p>Feeling like a fool.<br /></p><p>Or Sami needs them to make up THEIR minds so she can make up hers<br /></p><p>The worst part of auditioning is the wait. The wait for the audition to get scheduled. The wait as you stand in the lobby. The wait as you worry if you've been called back. The wait to hear if you have been cast.<br /></p><p>All this waiting can be a bit much to take – if you are someone, like myself, who does NOT handle the "not knowing" well.<br /></p><p>Normally, I can handle this. Normally I just go to an audition and then it happens or it doesn't happen but I just move along.<br /></p><p>THIS situation is not normal.<br /></p><p>There are two projects that I REALLY would give a limb to do. Two amazing scripts. Two great companies. Two Big Fat Maybes. And they are going up at the EXACT SAME TIME.<br /></p><p>And their auditions are several weeks apart. So if I got the first one, I would have to walk away from the other without knowing if I would have had a chance.<br /></p><p>Now, I could sit here and do a pro/con list for days and days and days. There would still be a tie. Sort of. The first one is a dream show which is definitely more Launch friendly and closer to home. The other is a dream show with a group of friends I adore – one of whom may not be with us as long as any of us would like.<br /></p><p>Do you see my dilemma? <br /></p><p>The last few days I have been going over and over these two projects and probably being a pest to everyone around me.<br /></p><p>At the end of the day all this stressing could be a moot point. I could end up completely empty handed because sometimes that is how this game is played. Truthfully, I am quite glad that I have even gotten to the point of "maybe" having to choose between roles.<br /></p><p>This is what happens when I want things too much. Maybe I should go back to not caring and just take whatever comes along.<br /></p><p>Sometimes a plan can ruin a good thing.<br /></p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-52238134188078747282010-11-11T18:20:00.001-08:002010-11-11T18:20:03.163-08:00Well, how about that??<span xmlns=''><p>Or Sami loves surprises.<br /></p><p>Sometimes you run in the same circles with people and yet never really get to know them. People drop their names to you, you see them across rooms and yet somehow you never actually "meet." <br /></p><p>Today I got to spend a few hours with one such person. And it was amazing.<br /></p><p>To be perfectly honest, I was not sure how it would go. This particular person is a very intense, strong woman and frankly, I was intimidated by her. You see, my strong, kick-ass femaleness is mostly an act and I get VERY intimidated and shy around women who actually seem to have it together. Plus, the rumor mill being what it is, I was not sure what kind of person she truly was. Words like intense, difficult and demanding seem to follow her around (and BOY do I know that feeling).<br /></p><p>When she contacted me, I honestly had no idea why she would want to hang out with the likes of me. Again, the Bad Self Esteem monster had reared its ugly head and I assumed that she did not like me (after all, she had never sought me out before – neither had I sought her out but that is because I am a chicken).<br /></p><p>Plus I worried what on earth we would talk about.<br /></p><p>Well, surprise surprise surprise. I had such a great time with her. Conversation flowed easily. We seemed to be on the same wavelength about so many things<br /></p><p>It was effortless. At least on my end.<br /></p><p>Of course, the reason why we were getting together in the first place (we are both writing for NaNoWriMo) seemed to fall by the wayside, but it really did not seem to bother us.<br /></p><p>So now, I feel like I have made a potential new friend. And I got a few words written. Not a lot but enough.<br /></p><p>Welcome to my little circle of crazies, Erin. I am glad to have you here.<br /></p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-90355719818792076892010-11-09T16:31:00.001-08:002010-11-09T16:31:57.208-08:00Let the games begin<span xmlns=''><p>The Sami vs. Seattle audition dance is off to an interesting start.<br /></p><p>So, the whole reason (okay not the WHOLE reason but the practical reason as opposed to the Ain't Seattle Swell? reason) for the Big Move to Seattle was to get me and my Ego closer to the Big Fat Theatres in order to help facilitate the furthering of the career. <br /></p><p>Say what? Vacillate the what?<br /></p><p>Sami was sick of the pitying look accompanied by the tilted head and "you live in Tacoma" questions. So here she sits in West Seattle (and is currently commuting to TACOMA for a show – but that is a topic for another day) and waits for the auditions to start pouring in.<br /></p><p>Well, as we all know, auditions do not just pour in BUT there have been some pretty good ones posted up on TPS (Theatre Puget Sound – for those of you not local or not yet 'in the know') so I jumped all over those puppies and have two under my belt now and 4 currently pending. <br /></p><p>Both auditions were for theatres I had never auditioned for previously. AND both theatres are ones I have been heavily promoting Launch to. <br /></p><p>I have heard pretty good things about both theatres. About the people and the quality of the work. They both seemed to be the types of theatres I would be interested in working with.<br /></p><p>The two theatres could NOT have been more different though. Aesthetically speaking. <br /></p><p>The first one is housed in the a Community Center. The theatre itself seems to be an old high school auditorium – big and cavernous and a little Haunted House-ish. I personally LOVE theatres like this because it reminds me of the type of theatre I first started working in but also because there is something utterly endearing to me about theatres that make great work happen in challenging spaces. (plus I LOVE that the theatre's initials are BLT, but that is just because I am a dork.)<br /></p><p>The audition itself went pretty well. The room we auditioned in (not the theatre) was a lot more echo-y than I expected it to be so when I opened my mouth, my voice rang back to me a lot more than anticipated. This threw me off a bit so I was VERY relieved when she gave me adjustments and asked me to do it again. I love adjustments. This means that the director saw SOMETHING she liked and wanted to see what else I could do. I felt pretty good about the second time (even though I had to start over because I flubbed the words a bit).<br /></p><p>The director said she liked the adjustments I made, gave me the run down of the where and when callbacks would be and that I would hear back either way and thanked me and I left. I was out in the hallway gathering up my belongings when the director poked her head out from the audition room and said, "You know what? Just come to callbacks."<br /></p><p>Score!<br /></p><p>The next audition was for a musical (singing audition – AHHHHHH!!) and this particular theatre is one located in a strip mall-esque area in a more moneyed part of the area. The lobby was slick, the bathrooms were slick, the theatre (although small and a thrust) was slick nonetheless so I assumed that the audition would be like some of the other "slick" theatres I have auditioned for in the past. Slick, business-like and to the point. But it wasn't. The auditor and the accompanist were both warm and welcoming and made me feel relatively at ease – which I really had not expected from what greeted me in the lobby.<br /></p><p>My audition was not as slick as I would have liked. The monologue went well but I started to have some . . . well . . . phlegm issues halfway through. Dang it! I hate that feeling and once you are in there, there is not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it. It's not like you can say "Hey, I have a ball of boogies in my throat. DO you mind if I go deal with that really quick while you wait?" I tripped my way through as well as I could and tried to clear my throat 'unnoticeably' before the 16 bars of vocal hell. The song. Oh the song. It was going so well. I was sultry in spots, legit-esque in spots. I felt really good about it. UNTIL the belted note at the very end. Then that little bit of phlegm that had been hanging out at the back of my throat decided to work its way down. How is THAT for a sexy image?<br /></p><p>Needless to say, the voice cracked/croaked a bit. I finished the song, thanked them and hightailed it out of there. Coughing the whole way.<br /></p><p>Ah well. You win some. You phlegm some.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-23729057951907654382010-11-08T16:04:00.001-08:002010-11-08T16:04:48.405-08:00How to Fall on your Face and Still Feel like a Winner<span xmlns=''><p>Or When Getting That A for Effort is the Goal all along.<br /></p><p>As anyone who reads my blog knows, singing freaks me out. This is not a new revelation. Yet, I continually put myself in positions where I have to do it. People ask me with somewhat alarming frequency why I do this to myself. I have to wonder if the constant questioning is a reflection on my singing but I digress.<br /></p><p>There are lots of things I am afraid of: heights, the aforementioned solo singing, science class, success and failure. Just to name a few.<br /></p><p>Wait a minute, Sami. How can you be afraid of failure AND success? That doesn't even make any sense.<br /></p><p>Well, if you think hard about it, most people have a fear of one and/or the other. <br /></p><p>I had a brother-in-law who was once infamous in his family for spending WEEKS preparing a kick ass topic for a huge Speech and Debate meet. Spent a long time, had loads of research done, knew his topic inside and out. The night before the big meet, he "changed his mind" and switched topics. And LOST . . . big time. <br /></p><p>Why would he do that do himself? After all that time spent, why would he not just go with the topic he knew?<br /></p><p>Because what if he had spent all that time and all that effort on something only to lose anyway?<br /></p><p>I see actors and singers do this kind of thing all the time. They worry over an audition, stress out over their choice of song and monologue, format and then reformat their resume and then just do not show up for their audition. After all that work, they just don't go.<br /></p><p>Why?<br /></p><p>Because by not going, they KNOW why they did not get cast. BUT had they gone and auditioned after all of that work and THEN did not get cast, then they feel a sense that all that time spent was wasted somehow.<br /></p><p>Why is it a waste? Why allow it to become a waste?<br /></p><p>Right now, I have several projects going on – any of which could blow up in my face at any given moment but I am doing my best to make them all happen because they are important to me.<br /></p><p>NaNoWriMo:<br /></p><p>November is NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month (<a href='http://www.nanowrimo.org'>www.nanowrimo.org</a>) according to the website it is 50,000 words in 30 days. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 50,000-word or approximately 175 page novel by midnight, November 30.<br /></p><p>I wrote a children's book a few years ago that was lost due to poor planning on my part and a "helpful" teenager. It had taken me almost 2 years to write the book in the first place. When the book was lost, I felt lost too. I was determined to rewrite it but had not forced myself to do so. I think in the back of my mind, I was terrified I would do all that work only to lose it again.<br /></p><p>I WILL finish the first draft of Evie: Take 2 this year. It is much harder to write a book all over again. I am having difficulty recreating the world and wonderful kids I had spent years nurturing. I know that because I am focusing on this book that I may not "win" NaNo by getting my 50,000 words. I know it and I am okay with it. The IMPORTANT thing is that Evie sees the light of day and Nano is the vehicle I am using to get her there.<br /></p><p>The Big Birthday Bash:<br /></p><p>I turn 40 in 7 weeks so I decided to take the occasion to produce a huge fundraiser. I have a script to write, food to gather, donations to beg for, a gown to scrounge, posters to pose for and create, charities to contact, auditions to coordinate, song lists to assemble . . . I think you get the idea. AND I have to make that happen over the holidays.<br /></p><p>Am I worried? Of course I am, but if I don't pull out all of the stops NOTHING will happen and that is worse than a few weeks of no sleep.<br /></p><p>Launch 2.0:<br /></p><p>Last October, I "launched" my professional acting career and now that I am in year 2 I have decided to up the stakes. I have very specific goals for Launch 2.0 which I even have written out on the inside of my audition song notebook. I am auditioning for the Big Fat Seattle Theatres until they get fed up with me and either cast me or call me back to shut me up. I am prepping my audition materials with those goals specifically in mind. I will be choosing projects specifically with those goals in mind. <br /></p><p>I am going to singing auditions at theatres I am intimidated by and auditioning for theatres that I have coveted from afar. I am even trying to whip out a "legitimate" song at an audition next week – something I normally run away from screaming like a 3 year old girl at the swimming pool. I will probably not have the greatest audition but it is worth it to just rip off the cliff and dive in. Who knows how it will turn out but I will never know if I don't try.<br /></p><p>All of these projects have the potential to be huge, very public disasters. The "safe" side of me tells me not to make big public declarations about my plans. That way if I fail, no one is the wiser.<br /></p><p>But I know how I am. The potential for a big public humiliation is what keeps me on task. Plus what do I really have to lose? If I am successful then I will raise tons of money for organizations I feel strongly about, a character that has been living in my mind will get to meet the world and my career will finally head in the direction I have always wanted .<br /></p><p>If not . . . well, I am having a blast trying to make big things happen.<br /></p><p>And isn't THAT worth the risk of failure and success?<br /></p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-79348484114587626242010-11-07T11:53:00.001-08:002010-11-07T11:53:49.444-08:00The Dreaded Question<span xmlns=''><p>Or why isn't there a simple answer to a simple question?<br /></p><p>"Are you a singer?" "Do you sing?" or the most dreaded "Are you a GOOD singer?"<br /></p><p>One would think this is a Yes or No question but for a neurotic performer/human being such as myself, it is a very loaded question. You see, when one is surrounded by people who pride themselves on the prowess of their vocal cords, being the one whose voice merely gets them by can make someone particularly sensitive about the answer to that query.<br /></p><p>The fact of the matter is I AM a singer. Down deep I know this. I have sung professionally. I have carried a musical or two to great effect. I have more than 20 musicals on my resume. I have been the lead singer in several bands. So what the hell is wrong with just saying "yes?" <br /></p><p>Truthfully, I think it is because I do not trust the motivations behind the question. I think most performers are completely crazy, petty, neurotic, self-centered, validation seeking piles of goo and under all that mess they want to feel that they are good as/better than you are. If you are merely adequate and they know they are better than you – your admission of being what you are offers them the opportunity to tear you down in a vain attempt to boost their own flagging self-perception.<br /></p><p>I have enough problems. I do not need that on top of it.<br /></p><p>You might feel I am being paranoid but you are honest with yourselves, you KNOW you have done it yourself. Schadenfreude is a very real thing. Not just among performers. How many times have we mocked the work ethics, body shapes, hair styles, choice of life partner when what we most fear is what other people feel about our own choices?<br /></p><p>I feel very confident in the majority of the choices that I have made in my life and so therefore I have no problems freely and openly admitting these things about myself.<br /></p><p>Singing . . . not so much.<br /></p><p>Someday I hope to be able to answer the questions without cringing or scanning the faces of the people around me for a reaction. Maybe I won't. Who knows. But that is my goal. So for now I get by and admit that I truly don't know my own skill level but that I plug along anyway.<br /></p><p>But may I just say that the definition of singer is one who sings so since I am one who sings I have to admit that I am a singer. Just please don't ask me if I am a good one. The jury is still out on that.<br /></p><p><br /> </p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-55952667949049404962010-11-06T08:50:00.001-07:002010-11-06T08:50:49.264-07:00“Home” Hunting<span xmlns=''><p>Or where will Sami run to when she just needs a fix?<br /></p><p>In the last year or so, I had really begun to feel that I had found a home – a family of sorts – with the group of people at both Lakewood Playhouse and Tacoma Little Theatres. For a few years I felt I was struggling to break in and then suddenly . . . poof . . . I moved in and fell in love with the people there and I hope they grew to love me as well.<br /></p><p>So, of course, I have to go up and move out of town (smacks self on forehead).<br /></p><p>I still love these people and plan to continue to have them in my life but logistically, it makes no sense to have my "theatrical home" to be so far away from my actual one.<br /></p><p>So I am on the hunt for a new home.<br /></p><p>There are several lovely community theatres (Twelfth Night and Burien Little Theatre) and one "professional" one (ArtsWest) in my neighborhood-ish that I am hoping will fill that void. My plan is to let them know I exist, audition when opportunities become available, volunteer in any capacity they may need and cross my fingers that I like them (and they grow to like me) and much as my Lakewood/Tacoma family. Not that my "theatre family to the South" could ever be replaced – nor do I want them to – but sometimes a girl just needs to hang out with people who "get" her.<br /></p><p>I will, of course, continue to audition all over creation (or Seattle) for artistic and career development but the need for a Home is great. The need for a safe place to rest my head and feel the love of the work and each other wash over me is profound. Community theatre offers just that. Love and commitment. Much like home is where you go to take off your shoes and just unwind from a hard day at the office – that sense of community is a welcome antidote to the difficulties and competitiveness and just plain pain in the ass-ness of the "professional" theatre.<br /></p><p>In the meantime, I will keep plugging along feeling like a soul without a country - longing for my family down south. I love and miss you guys.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-32712327164238493332010-11-03T18:03:00.001-07:002010-11-03T18:03:14.186-07:00Taking Them Down a Notch by Taking It Up One.<span xmlns=''><p>Or What Happens When the Gods Fall<br /></p><p>For a long time now (at least 10 years or so) one particular Seattle theatre has been my Mecca. I worship the ground it sits on. I fantasize about the day I will stand amongst the Great Talents that currently frequent the boards there. It was a partial motivation for the semi-cross country relocation. I have been training and working and improving to get to the point that I too may be among the privileged few to cross that particular proscenium. All the while I remained in awe of those lucky enough to be deemed worthy of playing with the Big Boys.<br /></p><p>But of late, my awe has been replaced by something more akin to confusion and occasional disappointment.<br /></p><p>In recent months, I have been 'fortunate' enough to get to see a decent amount of theatre and a good bit of that has been at the Big Houses. This has been both a wonderful opportunity to learn and, frankly, a bit of an eye opener. I somehow expected "professional" actors to achieve a level of perfection far greater than anything that I myself – or anyone I know personally - would be able to attain. I believed that "professional" actors would not be beleaguered by the scores of difficulties that we mere mortal actors face – lisps, tongues that refuse to cooperate on certain performances, the inability to walk in a straight line, performances when we just don't quite get to where we wanted to go.<br /></p><p>I thought that these actors were somehow superhuman and that just isn't so.<br /></p><p>I am not sure when this shift happened. I distinctly recall seeing shows at Big Fat Pittsburgh Theatres that blew my mind; that caused me to second my worthiness as a human being, much less an actor. When the performances of my college professors left me feeling so in awe that I had to sit in the theatre for long periods of time afterward because I wanted to stay in the place where "that happened."<br /></p><p>Even when I first moved to Seattle, I saw SEVERAL shows that left me feeling enamored and star struck and completely unworthy of sharing the same stage.<br /></p><p> Lately, however, I have felt that the performances I am seeing are totally within the scope of my capabilities. Everywhere I look, I see imperfections, vocal issues, pitch problems, muddy gesturing or worse – from the professionals. Sometimes the performances seem downright mediocre and amateurish. Was it always this way or am I just more knowledgeable now? Is it that the Gods are becoming more human or am I just attaining a higher standard within my own work and my demands as an audience member? <br /></p><p>None of this is meant to imply that I am somehow better than the actors I witnessed. I still do not feel quite on their level, but there is a definite feeling that with the right role and right director, I COULD be and that is an odd and oddly amazing sensation.<br /></p><p>Maybe, just maybe, Mecca is closer than I had previously imagined.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-15142792995633320162010-10-31T11:27:00.001-07:002010-10-31T11:27:48.755-07:00Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut – Sometimes You . . .<span xmlns=''><p>Or All The Praise You Can Eat – One Show Only.<br /></p><p>"How did it (the show) go?"<br /></p><p>It is the actor equivalent of small talk. The kind of question that really doesn't beg an answer but we feel compelled to give one anyway. What the askers want to hear is "it went great," "kicked its ass" and/or something either snarky or sincere about the audience. <br /></p><p><em>Eleemosynary</em> is a tough one because the only answer I seem capable of giving is . . . "I don't know."<br /></p><p>This is not a response given to elicit pity or false praise. It is not fishing for a compliment. I give this answer for one very simple reason. <br /></p><p>Because I just don't know.<br /></p><p>After a performance of this show, I don't feel triumphant (as I rarely do but as some lucky actors somehow manage); I don't feel relieved (as I did after <em>Grapes of Wrath</em>); I don't feel an adrenalin rush (as I did after <em>Last 5 Years</em>). Sometimes I feel agitated. Mostly, though, I don't feel much of anything.<br /></p><p>This could very well be a byproduct of the role itself. Without giving too much away for the people who have not seen it yet and still plan to, I have decided (with the director's blessing) to portray Artie as having Asperger's Syndrome (a form of high functioning autism – for those of you unaware of it). I am pretty well-versed in Asperger's because one of my children is so afflicted. It manifests itself in a variety of ways but with Artie, I decided on a physical rigidity and profound lack of eye contact. Spending such a large amount of time staring off into space (with purpose) and closing off the body from the people around you makes it really hard to assess what the hell happened on stage. Usually the way an actor assesses how a show "went" is by analyzing the effectiveness of this or that interaction. My character spends most of her "interactions" off in her own mind.<br /></p><p>So therefore, I don't know.<br /></p><p>And I wish I did.<br /></p><p>I am getting some of the best reviews of my life. The word "amazing" gets bandied about. Total strangers come up to me and say my performance was "outstanding." And I stand there – still feeling . . well, nothing.<br /></p><p>I WANT to ask "why?" What is it about what I was doing that deserves such praise. I can't "watch" myself from stage. I know actors who can but that throws me off significantly and that is no good. So I wish I could ask. But how does one go about that without sounding like a: they are fishing for a compliment or b: an attention whore or c: a complete loon (which is probably what I am).<br /></p><p>So I will likely never know. This may be a good thing but I fear not knowing might mean not repeating.<br /></p><p>So for now I say Thank You and try to move on. Maybe someday I will know what was so special about this performance. Maybe I will never know. Maybe there is some grand conspiracy trying to keep me in the dark. I don't know that either.<br /></p><p>What I DO know is I have some "amazing" quotes for my marketing materials and that is worth feeling something for. <br /></p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-32177443948230971832010-10-26T22:19:00.001-07:002010-10-26T22:19:12.579-07:00An Afternoon of Transit-ory Chaos<span xmlns=''><p>Well, at least my life is never boring.<br /></p><p>Right now mass transit is my best friend. If it wasn't for buses, I would not be able to get to the gym, the store, auditions, rehearsals or to Tacoma for my daily "pick up Lorelai from preschool" excursion. I rely on transit almost daily and therefore frequently have "the best stories" (according to my friends) about the ridiculous nonsense that happens aboard these buses.<br /></p><p>Today took the cake however.<br /></p><p>I got on the 594 (Tacoma-Seattle) bus at 2 p.m. to find that it was already pretty packed and therefore we could NOT find two seats together. I hate when I have the kid and that happens because 1. They like the window and 2. Lorelai HATES not sitting directly next to me. I found two seats that were across the aisle from each other and we sat down. Lorelai and Perrin were both being moody about the lack of a window seat but since no one was willing to give up their window, we just had to deal.<br /></p><p>About halfway between Tacoma and Seattle (somewhere around Kent for those of you in the area), a woman on the bus screamed at the driver to stop the bus. A woman seated behind her was having a seizure. The kids and I were about nine rows behind her so I could not see much except that the top of her head was, indeed, twitching. The driver pulled to the side of a VERY busy I-5 and called the emergency in to dispatch. Most of the people close to her were just repeatedly asking her what she needed (as if she could say). <br /></p><p>"Lay the bitch on her side," a voice from behind me shouted. "You gotta lay her on her side or she will die."<br /></p><p>A young man of about 20 moved towards the woman, muttering expletives just loud enough for us to hear. He walked over to the seizing woman, sat next to her, put her head in his lap and started patting her back rhythmically.<br /></p><p>"I got her," he screamed to the bus driver who was on the phone still with dispatch. "F***ing drive. I got shit to do."<br /></p><p>The driver tried to explain that by law she was NOT ALLOWED to leave until the aid truck had gotten there. The young man was all pissed off and yelled that he was going to lose $2000 if he didn't get to where he was going on time and that he didn't "give a shit about the seizing bitch" and that if the bus made him late he was going to bust out the door and slit the tires on the way out. All the while, he had the seizing woman in his lap and was still patting her back. <br /></p><p>It was a wonderful act of charity while being a messed up selfish hissy-fit. I wanted to hug him and punch him in the throat simultaneously.<br /></p><p>When the aid truck arrived, the young man just upped the tantrum. It got so heated between him and a paramedic that a state trooper was brought in to get the young man to back off.<br /></p><p>Finally, a second bus arrived and passengers were asked to deboard the bus and get on the other one. I was VERY hesitant. I had Lorelai and Perrin with me and as I mentioned, we were ON THE HIGHWAY – during rush hour. A few bus drivers from the second bus (it was a bus transporting drivers to Seattle) came back and helped me carry the kidlets and all their gear to the second bus and, even though the bus was packed, people made sure I had two seats together so that I could sit with both kids. <br /></p><p>At the end of it all, it took almost 3 hours to get home and the kidlets had HAD it and were screaming, crying messes on the walk home from the bus stop (4 blocks).<br /></p><p>I will sleep well tonight. After a glass of wine – don't judge me, I earned it.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-67231997819720316602010-10-25T16:43:00.001-07:002010-10-25T16:43:40.034-07:00Don’t Be a (S)Lacker<span xmlns=''><p>Our heroine is fast approaching burnout or a breakdown – one or the other.<br /></p><p>I seem to have lost all motivation to move. This happens every now and then. I schedule myself to the brink of sanity, trip the teeniest bit which sets off a LONG series of events which eventually devolves into being completely behind schedule for several weeks until finally I am to the point in my calendar where nothing is expected of me. Then I take a VERY short break to "collect" myself and then start the ridiculous ride all over again.<br /></p><p>Right now, I am in collection mode.<br /></p><p>I have things to do, classes to un-enroll from, other classes to plan, auditions to prep for and a Big Birthday Bash to plan but I just don't wanna. I WANT to sit around get caught up on the last 5 weeks of Grey's Anatomy and eat pizza and drink Dr. Pepper.<br /></p><p>When I get like this I try to push through it and get what needs done done. The problem is when I force my brain to do things it is not in the mood for – the end product is always crap and then I feel worse than if I had just blown the responsibility off in the first place. But that is just not how I work. <br /></p><p>So I muddle through.<br /></p><p>Hopefully this less-than-stellar level of activity will improve soon but for now the mere thought of actually accomplishing anything feels a touch overwhelming.<br /></p><p>Bah.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-76094748453699170442010-10-19T08:36:00.001-07:002010-10-19T08:36:13.347-07:00What do you say to taking chances?<span xmlns=''><p>How to improve your life without sounding slightly like a mediocre pop song.<br /></p><p>I have always been a "risk taker." Of sorts. I am not one to jump off of a perfectly good bridge but I am risky nonetheless. I have always done impulsively things that most people wring their hands over and budget and try to talk themselves in and out of. Not this gal. If there is something I really want to do, I have to just do it. If I do the whole "thinking it through" thing – NOTHING happens. I freeze. I give myself 8000 reasons why it won't work and I stop moving. <br /></p><p>Because of this I have had some wonderful opportunities and I have also spent a great deal of time dusting myself off again.<br /></p><p>Sometimes though, things are such a big deal (at least to me) that I actually psych myself out so much that I talk myself out of it as it is going on. Yesterday had the potential to be one of those days.<br /></p><p>Yesterday was the Intiman Theatre mid-year Equity General Auditions. <br /></p><p>Those of you who know me probably know two things about me:<br /></p><ol><li>I am not Equity. . .yet. <br /></li><li>The Intiman is my dream theatre, my Mecca, my Holy Grail, my perfect pancake, my . . . (well, you get the idea)<br /></li></ol><p>I had not yet auditioned at Intiman because those two factors kept me at a standstill. I was terrified. I wasn't "ready." I was not "good enough yet." I was thinking it through and over-thinking it to the point of getting nervous just walking past the building. I am way too hard on myself and so I wanted conditions to be absolutely PERFECT before I even considered auditioning for them<br /></p><p>So . . . of course . . . I hadn't yet. Lived in the area for FOUR YEARS and still hadn't.<br /></p><p>Well, enough was enough. I had a day off of rehearsal (luckily) on the day of Generals so I was going to go – Damn it!<br /></p><p>I jumped through 700 hoops to make arrangements for the care of the kidlets (since I would potentially sit there for 5 hours and never get seen), I prettied myself up enough to look like I was making an attempt without trying too hard, I bought myself a sandwich (because of the aforementioned potential 5 hour wait) and I went to where the auditions were being held.<br /></p><p>Things started to go south almost immediately. Even though I had NEVER heard of such a thing, it turns out that the Intiman allowed non-Equity actors to get put on a waiting list so before we even started (and in spite of the fact that I was the third one there) I was already 14th DOWN on the waiting list. <br /></p><p>Now (before we dive too deep) the way the waitlist works is if an Equity actor who signed up for a slot doesn't show up, one of the waitlisters gets to be seen in his/her slot. Sounds ludicrous, right? Why would they NOT show? You would be amazed at how often actors don't show up (and YES, directors do remember those people who are consistent no-show-ers).<br /></p><p>So now I had to hope for FOURTEEN irresponsible actors . . . or a miracle. Damn.<br /></p><p><em>Nope. I already have the kidlets taken care of and I don't need to be anywhere else. I am staying.<br /></em></p><p>Then about 30 minutes after arriving, I decided to eat my sandwich. NONE of the waitlisters had been called in yet so it felt pretty safe to eat something and try to relax. So, of course, the sandwich I bought (a gyro) was NOT "easy on the sauce" like I had requested and I looked down to discover about a full ounce or two of gyro sauce had found its way on my black shirt and WHITE pants! I grabbed my things and RAN down the hall to the restroom to try to assess the damage. The shirt was not savable (neither was my sweater, I discovered). That left me with just the blue tank top that I had worn UNDER my black shirt. . Thank god. The pants were . . . okay. The sauce was white and after about 10 paper towels worth of soapy spot cleaning, the only person who could tell that I had splattered myself was me. But I was enough.<br /></p><p>Maybe this is the Acting Gods trying to tell me something. <br /></p><p><em>NO, I am here and I am staying here.<br /></em></p><p>As time wore on and the crowd diminished, I began to seriously doubt my odds of getting in. Actors who were leaving the audition began to shoot pitying looks at those of us waiting. Friends who had arrived AFTER me (but had smartly gotten themselves on the list) went in and auditioned and left – leaving me sitting there with my stained pants, undershirt and increasingly wrinkled headshot. <br /></p><p>Finally at about 4:15 p.m. (45 minutes before the END of auditions and almost 4 hours after I got there), they ran out of schedule Equity actors and were going to do the waitlisters only. At that point I was 11<sup>th</sup> on the list. 11 actors in 45 minutes? Not impossible but not a definite either. I began to get into my headspace. I told myself that all I wanted was a callback. A callback was the goal. Odds were against me since I "lowered" my expectations just a bit, it soothed my nerves significantly. I also knew that they would NOT go past 5:00 and that there was still a chance I would not get seen.<br /></p><p>What I did not know what that 6 of those people in line ahead of me had gotten tired of waiting . . . and LEFT. So at 4:45 p.m., as I was the LAST person waiting, I was called in. I tried to ignore the nerves, concentrate on the fact that I was ready and I went in.<br /></p><p>There were two people sitting at the table and they both looked worn out. I could tell by their expressions that they weren't expecting much. I introduced my pieces, found my focal point and dove in. I was about 10 seconds into the first monologue when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed one of the guys perk up, he shot a glance at the person sitting next to him. I tried to tune him out and kept going. I finished that piece and moved on to the Shakespeare. I saw the perked up expression grow into a full smile and by the time I was done, they were both grinning at me. <br /></p><p>"Wonderful," the gentleman on the left said. "Thank you so much for sticking it out."<br /></p><p>And I left what felt like one of the best auditions of my LIFE. And for the Intiman so . . .<br /></p><p>Yes, Sami, thank you so much for sticking it out.<br /></p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4102281920228280161.post-33316010265124309402010-10-13T22:50:00.001-07:002010-10-13T22:50:16.455-07:00Not A Cause for Celebration<span xmlns=''><p>But still a good thing to have done.<br /></p><p>Today, after 7 months of separation, I filed for divorce. I had been hoping to wait until the dust had settled and tempers had cooled so that we could move forward in a calm, adult manner. However, after seven months things had not calmed down – in fact, they had heated up. So I decided that I would be the cooler head all by my lonesome and move forward.<br /></p><p>I am glad I did it. My stomach was all in knots but in the end, I KNOW it was the right thing to do.<br /></p><p>This is not a reason to celebrate. A marriage is ending. A marriage I had had great hopes for. A marriage that brought forth two amazing kiddos who are now on their way to being a statistic. A marriage that I now and will continue to mourn and try to remember fondly (even when the dissolving of said marriage is terribly sour).<br /></p><p>I will continue to try to be civil and honest and fair with the proceedings. I will try not to take the lashing out personally. I will try NOT to react when I feel bounds are overstepped and I will try not to overstep them myself just "because he is." I will continue to love the kidlets and let them know that NONE of this was their fault. I will not badmouth Daddy in front of them and I will pray that he offers the same courtesy. I will continue to love him as the father of my children even though I can no longer love him as my husband.<br /></p><p>I am lucky that I have stumbled across a great love and I hope that he is lucky enough to do the same. I am sorry we were not able to be exactly what the other needed or wanted us to be. <br /></p><p>I hope that he finds everything he wants. I know that I finally have.</p></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0